Desert Island Discs

People often talk about the books they would save or take with them if they were stranded on this proverbial desert island. Despite the fact that books consume no power I still think it's a stupid thing to save or cling on to. Re-reading books is no good. The pleasure is reduced everytime. Just how much enjoyment could you get reading the same five books over and over? Not much I expect. That's why I would take music instead, and assume this island had a reliable power source (maybe Hydro Electric because they usually always have a cascading waterfall) and the plane that crashed had allowed me to check-in a semi-decent amplifier, CD player and pair of speakers. Anyway, to the point. The five albums I'd have with me, knowing they'd bear up under the closest scrutiny and still remain great albums, and most important of all, still be enjoyable (and comforting) to me on the thousandth playing (and in all cases, probably already have):

(In no particular order because even picking five is hard enough.)

1. Low by David Bowie (1977)

Low hasn't always been a great album. When it first appeared the critics weren't sure - since "the critics" love to follow popular trends. Only in later years did they rewrite their history (and reviews) and give it the good old "5 out of 5" it deserved. I always knew it must be great before I heard it. Just look at that sleeve: it's orange and forboding, and Bowie is looking to his left. It's called "Low" so he's obviously been feeling moody. Oh, and it's the first of his Eno Trilogy. It's not even a very long album but it's very special and in my extremely humble opinion, it is easily, by far and away, and without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing he ever produced. It doesn't matter if you don't own ANY other Bowie, because Low is the essence of Bowie and this album is a true album and does what an album should do, and already I can find myself listening to it over, and over, and over. So along it comes.

(Personally, I have the vinyl cover stuck to my wall for mental inspiration and enjoy the sound of the 24 bit CD remaster.)

2. Remain In Light by Talking Heads (1980)

Those of you in the know (out of my Facebook friends I actually think that numbers just two) will have spotted that Brian Eno has already helped to produce two of my choices. Well, so be it, because his sound is very special and suited to the mythical isolation associated with being stranded far from home, forever. Remain In Light is an easy choice, I admit. But it's my choice and not some magazine or journal's. I loved this album as soon as I heard the opening of the first song, and it was a crusty record shop guy that thrust the vinyl into my hand after, once again, that sleeve had piqued my interest. If you are partial to complex layers of sound, cutting edge techniques and all kinds of African rhythms blended with Byrne's isolationist themes and lots and lots of percussion, then you'll know what I mean. It's so damn clever; it's anything but simple. When I listen to it I am still struck by how amazing and perfectly balanced it sounds. How they throw so much sound in and get something so ordered and melodious out. Everything clanks and clicks and ticks and tocks. Drums here and there, chanting, lead guitar, electronic whirrings and buzzes - except it goes somewhere, from start to finish. I also can't think of a more fitting song than Listening Wind to being stuck somewhere and trying to contemplate what the hell is going on.

3. Disintegration by The Cure (1989)


I've already been through a period in my life when I listened to this every day for at least a month or two, so I know already it can be used over and over again when I'm very sad or very happy - I'm not sure which one I'd be if I was stranded on a desert album without ever having to see people again (Ha. Yes I do know.). The Cure have gone off in recent years, and even in their prime put out a lot of 'questionable' material. Pornography is awesome, but doesn't seem to be the complete picture in the way Disintegration is. Usefully, it also fills an entire CD, without filler, so I'd be entertained for 74 minute chunks of my limitless time. Disintegration never seems to get the recognition it deserves. It's so damned good that it defies explanation. It's both soft and hard, fast and slow, and unlike early Cure, it doesn't get bogged down in itself. If only they'd made this their swan song.

4. The Smiths (1984)

I have to have a Smiths album in here, because they are my favourite band of all time (yeah, above Joy Divison). So I would probably go insane a lot sooner without some Smiths on hand, and out of their four albums, this one has the highest proportion of my favourite songs. Also, none of their many compilations contain some of these favourite songs. Quite simply, I needed some Smiths, so this is the one. Choice picks personally: You've Got Everything Now about those people we always hated at school and Accept Yourself: how do I feel about my shoes?

5. Script Of The Bridge by The Chameleons (1983)

Quite a fantastic album, and being reminded about Middleton is a minor drawback. I was going to for Loveless, an oft-maligned piece of guitar noise that most people consider no better than Metal Machine Music, but then I realised that I just like this album more, and I couldn't be bothered explaining for the 17th time how the noise masks the subtle melodies. This is The Chameleons first, and best, album. A band, that if we base fame purely on talent, should have been way bigger than U2. This album could easily play like a Greatest Hits, such is the quality of every single song.

Apologies to: The Clash, Joy Division, My Bloody Valentine, The Beatles and Pink Floyd-- Wish You Were Here came very close.

How to correctly use a roundabout (traffic circle)

A roundabout is just like an intersection. It's just a different method of getting your car left, right, or straight ahead. Just like an intersection, you need to signal on approach. You also need to signal when you exit the roundabout, to aid the flow of traffic and for the sake of safety. Always yield to traffic on a roundabout. If someone is on the roundabout, then they have right of way over you, no matter what. If you drive out and smash into them, it's 100% your fault. A roundabout will usually have three exits. Ones in Canada aren't on the UK scale (yet) so there's no 6 exit mega roundabouts with 52 sets of traffic lights and a motorway underneath. The first exit will take you to the right, the second straight ahead and the third to the left.

As you approach, get in the correct lane and signal your intention thus:

If you want to turn right, then signal right and keep the signal applied exactly as you would turning right from a stop sign or any other intersection.

If you want to go straight ahead, then do not signal as you approach (most people don't signal anyway, leading me to believe they are always going straight ahead). As you turn onto the roundabout, drive past the first (right turn) exit and then apply your right turn signal. This lets the drivers behind you know you're turning off, but most importantly, the drivers waiting to enter the roundabout know in advance you are leaving so won't have to delay in moving. This helps the flow of traffic on a roundabout.

If you want to take the left exit, then signal left even as you approach the roundabout. This may confuse people, but that's the way it should be done. Just like a left turn at a standard intersection, a roundabout is no different. As you drive onto the roundabout, keep the left signal applied and pass the right exit. Then, as you pass the straight ahead exit, change your signal to a right turn signal and leave the roundabout. Simple huh?

And if you miss your turn, just go around again. It's not illegal. In fact, it's one of the advantages of a roundabout.

So remember:

1) Signal your intention (left or right) approaching and entering the roundabout.

2) Signal your intention to leave the roundabout (right) as a courtesy to other road users.

3) Unless you have a damn good reason (for example, an emergency vehicle wants to get through) then never stop whilst on the roundabout to let someone else on. Do not try to be polite and disregard traffic laws because on a roundabout it is doubly dangerous. Traffic on the roundabout is always flowing so the person behind you won't be expecting a sudden stop.

Consumer Response Centre
P.O. Box 40,
Cambridge,
Ontario, N1R 5S9


To Whom It May Concern,

After researching online and visiting in person many stores across Canada and the United States it seems that the Salt & Vinegar flavour of Ruffles has been discontinued. I understand that such a decision would never be taken lightly but since they were such a firm favourite of mine I would like to express my support for a decision to re-launch them. My online search has revealed hundreds of other consumers who likewise wish to see this fantastic flavour back on the supermarket shelves. Since the vast majority of people will not go to the lengths of registering their opinion either in a letter or even online, we can safely assume that many thousands of people have noted, with a sigh, that Salt & Vinegar Ruffles are no longer available. Not only that, but here in British Columbia at least, no other company offers my own favourite variety of potato chip; i.e., one that is both ruffled/wavy and flavoured in salt and vinegar. This seems to represent a gaping hole in the market since salt and vinegar is a staple chip flavour the world over. The Lay's brand offers a salt and vinegar chip, and a wavy brand of chips, but not a combination of the two!

I cannot hope to convince you on my own, but please at least re-investigate the market for Salt & Vinegar Ruffles. There is a demand for them, and carefully marketed perhaps this could be exploited into a more profitable one. If you have time for a reply, I would be very interested to know the reasons for the discontinuation, and whether flavours and varieties such as Thick Cut Au Gratin and Thick Cut Creamy Dill are more lucrative than a simple salt and vinegar flavour.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Robin Sharrock